Dream Log #3

Fell asleep on the couch with the TV on True Hollywood Story: Casey Anthony (switching back and forth between commercials from Next with Nicolas Cage back to THS). Apparently after I fell asleep that show ended & E! Entertainment's Fashion Police came on.

The dream went like just like this...

I was in a hotel and I decided to make toast. I popped the bread down then went to my room. Time passed a little. I can't remember what I was doing, just that I was standing, looking down as if I was tying a robe or buttoning a shirt and facing the fixed bed. As I brought my head up I started to see smoke fill the top of the room. In a panic I open the door and the hallway's filling up with smoke from the direction of where the toaster was and people are scrambling with the alarm going off, but not loudly. I look to my right and there's a brunette man squinting and trying to avoid the smoke as he was heading down the hall my way to get to where help was. I remember thinking I didn't even hear the alarm but I was very sure it was me who started the fire. I see burn marks towards the bottom of the wall across the way (it wasn't a wide hallway) to the left, where a couple of firemen and a policeman were. Apparently a fire had started and been put out. There were cops and firemen in the area. I immediately tried to get their attention and apologetically, embarrassingly let them know it was my toast... that I did it. They wouldn't pay too much attention to me, though they did look at me.

Things just went on and I went into this one smaller room where there was conversation about different dresses and gossip about what the women looked like in these outfits. One of the women sounded like Joan Rivers. A firemen, who didn't have his hat or coat on, just a white tee, his fireman pants, and boots was sitting there eating. He had fair, clear skin, clean shaven, strawberry blonde wavey, short hair, nice teeth, and either hazel green or light brown eyes. He was actively listening to the conversation and eating. He was at a round, metal table with a white top (kinda retro) in the corner. The table was pushed into the corner and he was on a stool to the left of it from my perspective.The walls were a pale yellow-ish color.

On a single shelf on the wall in front of me near the table there was what looked like a small aerosol can, white and blue label. Instead of a lid it had a spider for a head... or it was a big spider with an aerosol can for a body. The spider looked much like a tarantula but had 3 shiny, silver eyes, one on top with two just beneath it. I don't remember the text on the can, but it was a clean, straight, thin font, different sizes and I do remember an A or an N. 

I created this image from memory & it's creepy how just about exact it is. Pale yellow wall, shade of blue, color of tarantula... everything! It was even moving it's legs slowly as if to reposition itself. *shudder

It sensed me looking at it and it slowly turned towards me like it was in a crazy Sci-Fi flick. Both the spider and the can moved simultaneously like they were one. In my dream I remember having seen a NatGeo program where these particular spiders have the ability to leap towards something at combat speed to bite or sting and that their venom was fatal. I backed out of the doorway carefully while watching it to get out of the room and out of its site. I looked in and this time the fireman who was eating was looking back and up over his right shoulder at the person behind him still talking about fashion. He was still chewing while reaching for his drink. I looked at the paper cup and on it was that same spider only this time it was tiny with the 3 huge silver eyes. He reached for the cup to take a sip and I wanted to yell out to warn him about the spider but my mouth was full because I just took a big gulp of water. (Funny how dreams work.) He didn't look at the cup and kept his focus on the woman as he brought the cup up. He didn't realize it was a spider but he saw something in his peripheral and without looking moved toward it with his mouth as if to sip it off like it was just a drip or something. He had the spider in his mouth and  began to chew, but immediately dropped his cup in pain. He started walking toward the wall like he wanted to vomit and clear liquid snot was running out of his nostrils, he was sweating, and salivating. He began to turn red and I tried to scream out for people to help him but no one moved. I yelled harder to let them know he was going to die if he didn't get help but everyone just carried on. Then he turned to walk up the stairs and said he was tired and felt bad so he wanted to lay down. I thought he shouldn't do that and he needed immediate help. I said in a panic, "are you feeling okay??" and before he could answer he slightly turned and I saw that he now had no hair, his head was quickly developing big boils, they were bubbling on his scalp and he fell to the ground. I began to scream for help.

That's about the time I woke up.

WT...?? Seriously. Toast? Burning hotel? Freaky, hellish evil spiders? Aerosol can? All I had was a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios & non-fat milk!




♠

Love 14

One of my favorite photos of them

My father-in-law often called me Nna, which is Ann backwards. He came up with these seemingly random nicknames, but always with their own quirky backstories that become more endearing than funny. When I lived with them he left notes every now and again and they'd open with, "Dear Nna..." When we'd come to visit he'd smile really big and say outloud, "Hey, Nna!" and followed it with a big hug and a kiss. This is how Dad was. He had very real, very apparent love and affection towards his family, his children, and especially... his wife. I'd watch as he'd come home from work, walk right up to Mom, reach out his arm, pull her close and give her a kiss. Every time. He wouldn't just walk over, lean in, kiss her on the cheek, and turn around. He was very deliberate. He'd look right at her and smiled happily as if they've been apart for a week. They've been married close to 50 years. When he was able to finally talk in ICU, as Mom walked in he said to her, "God, am I glad to see you."  ♥

I took this photo right before we all drove up to the snow.

That kind of love with Dad was almost involuntary. Like breathing. He didn't think about it, made no apologies, and what may be regarded a weakness, was quite possibly his biggest strength. Something I also see in his son, my husband and one of the greatest things about Aaron... above all else his unconditional, very real, involuntary love for us. So thank you for leading by example, Dad. 

Having said goodbye to my dear Father-In-Law and my wonderful Aunt Ginny at the same time, after the family recently had to also say goodbye to Aunt Betsy, made these days quite heavy. It's also not too long after the news that the world lost Whitney Houston, and now Davy Jones of The Monkees. As a big fan of The Monkees, I was unexpectedly also affected by the passing of Davy Jones as he was an icon in my own life. I only bring this up to say that as I was at a huge loss of comforting words to my family in our time of grieving the loss of an icon in my husband's and family's lives, my sister, Charlene, posted something very sweet on Facebook in regards to my father-in-law, Dennis, and my aunt Ginny. She included a quote by Mike Nesmith, the Monkee with the beanie. She didn't complete the quote, but what she posted was enough for me to be affected by what it said and I searched to find the quote in its entirety. I was very comforted by what he said and it was in Mike's words about Davy that I'm able to express exactly what I want to say to my family and friends. And it is this (I'm replacing Davy's name)...

"While it is jarring, and sometimes seems unjust, or strange, this transition we call dying and death is a constant in the mortal experience that we know almost nothing about. I am of the mind that it is a transition and I carry with me a certainty of the continuity of existence. While I don't exactly know what happens in these times, there is an ongoing sense of life that reaches in my mind out far beyond the near horizons of mortality and into the reaches of infinity. That they have stepped beyond my view causes me the sadness that it does many of you. I will miss them, but I won't abandon them to mortality. I will think of them as existing within the animating life that insures existence. I will think of them and the family with that gentle regard in spite of all the contrary appearances on the mortal plane. Their spirit and soul live well in my heart, among all the lovely people, who remember with me the good times, and the healing times, that were created for so many, including us. I have fond memories. I wish them safe travels."

♠

Cheers to Change

Okay, peeps... I made a significant change! Hope you're sitting down for this one...

I now limit my coffee to no more than 2 cups in the morning (sometimes only one) with an occasional Starbucks (tall, non-fat, no whip) treat. Those of you who know me know I love me some java... to an almost obsessional degree. I made this incredibley difficult decision because I want some change in my life. (Y'know, all the stuff I've been blogging about?) Many of the things I've really wanted to happen in my life just hasn't come to fruition. I'd wager it's because I continue the same habits. We can't expect change to happen when we continue to do the same thing over and again!

My "Coffee Time" video

Ok, so I either fight sleep or I have trouble sleeping. Sleep is one of the most important pieces in the health, fitness, and mentally functional jigsaw puzzles! (See what I did there? Yeah. I know. Reachy.) I posted a new cover photo on my Facebook page, which expresses my goal for 2012. I want to regain the health and fitness level I once had the discipline to achieve. I was happier, healthier, stronger, more confident, and I felt like nothing can get in my way. I embraced challenges and stepped outside of my comfort zone... lots! Somewhere along the way I lost that drive. I want it back. (And by the way, if we're not friends on Facebook, we can make that change, too.)

So. It used to be (like, up until 3 nights ago) that when I laid down in bed I had the TV on and when it was off my mind was reeling. TV was a nice distraction, but it kept me interested in what was on. I'd sleep in, wake up exhausted, unproductive... and the cycle just continued. It wasn't 100% of the time, but often.

My Koni "Sleepy Time" Tea by The Tea Chick

I've read many recommendations about having a routine to wind down: draw a warm bath, dim the lights, read a book, listen to soft music, or whatever else would ease your mind and help you to relax. I never really implemented such a plan and I finally did. After 3 nights of a nice relaxing bath or shower, a hot cup of tea, and leaving the TV off, I fell asleep easily last night. That is huge for me! It didn't take affect the very first night... or the second, but like everything else, making changes will take some time for acclimation. I even almost turned on a movie last night because the whole routine didn't seem to be working. But it did!!

It was nice to just drift off to sleep! Even though I didn't wake up with a kick today, I feel so much better mentally and physically. I'd say that is a pretty decent kick-start to change!

♠

Bad Habit

Have you ever had friendships that seem to exist simply out of habit? Often "friends" like to stay friends as long as there are no challenges and no one feels offended or insecure. I've witnessed very close friends drift after a disagreement and suddenly it becomes about making the other person's life miserable or hoping the other will fail. I always say I am loyal until I'm burned, then it's tough to gain my trust back if at all. And if and when that happens, I have no intentions of breaking any confidence we've had, using any information they shared with me against them. It's not worth it. All it does is incite more damage.

Friendships should be unconditional, but it shouldn't feel like "work". It's best to make the choice to surround ourselves with the people who lift us up and make us feel good about who we are. We all have our peaks and valleys and it's okay to be proud of our wins! No one works hard to fail. We all strive to succeed and we should be happy for our friends when they do. We need to allow others to shine and sometimes even share the spotlight, but we certainly shouldn't have to step back into the shadows just to keep our friends from feeling insecure or threatened by our triumphs.

One of my all-time favorite television shows is F•R•I•E•N•D•S. I absolutely love the concept of these 6 friends, guys and girls, with very different personalities who appreciate, respect, and love each other for who they are. There's a security in their relationships, they are genuinely happy when something wonderful happens to any one of them and when they're angry or frustrated, the loyalty is maintained. And pssshh... it's just a freakin' funny show in the first place! The dialogue is genious and each actor plays out their role to perfection! And let's face it, they're easy to look at. How fantabulous it would be if all friendships were like this!


The thing about television and film is that everything is controlled and can depict the ideal without the distraction of reality. There aren't many friendships outside of a script that follow the example Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey set for us. If you are in the middle of this sort of dynamic you are one blessed soul! (And can I be your friend, too?)

I'll be there for you...! Tsk, aww!

I recently read about a poll taken by several British people about the friends they keep. It revealed that they tend to keep friends out of habit... Just because they've been friends for years and/or for convenience of proximity. Oh, but It's not just British. It's like that all over the world. People keep friends in their lives because they feel some sort of obligation out of sheer history and experience. Maybe some people even fear leaving a friendship will ultimately end up in exposing some shared secrets.

I know people in my own life who see someone else's successes as their personal failures. For example, someone wins a trip to Italy and their "friend" whines that it never happens to them. They've turned that friend's exciting news into their own pity party. I also know people who make no effort to support the successes or interests of their friends (whether it's a subconscious or cognitive choice) simply because it takes the spotlight away from them. That speaks volumes about a person. I prefer to keep the people in my life who are genuine and selfless.

jealousy breeds contempt

I'm sure I get on my friends' nerves every now and again. I will say, though, that as a friend I am one you will want to have on your side. I recognize we're all different and I've only always respected that. I tend to be sentimental and loyal... and can be your biggest promoter. When I disagree with something a friend has done or if their actions have a negative impact, even on me, I don't retaliate. There's no value in it. I either let it roll or I make the choice to confront the situation. I've even bounced my frustrations off of someone else. Sometimes that comes without judgement, but often it ends up with someone feeling disgruntled and personally attacked. I've also made the choice to distance myself from those influences. I can respect differences in ethics, indeed, but I prefer to stay away from certain associations.

I've seen too much cattyness and hypocracy in real life friendships that seem to be missing from F•R•I•E•N•D•S. And there's an honesty and assurance about the relationship we see in the TV show that seems to be missing from real friendships. I don't give any of my friends reason to feel threatened or to compete (though it's managed to exist in my world) I've made efforts to keep my real friendships and it would be ideal if friendships were like the uber famous sitcom. Sadly, many frienships are conditional and unless those conditions are met, it's a more difficult task to keep those relationships. We don't have scripts and we don't have editors. We have real dialogue and real choices.

One of my steps toward a bit of damage control is to focus on the more meaningful friendships and let go of some bad "habits".

♠

Damage Control

Lately, I lack proper rest, I eat poorly, I drink too much coffee and not enough water. I sit to work on projects and generally my only slice of fitness is walking to the kitchen to eat poorly or to the bathroom after all that coffee. I end up fatigued, insecure, frustrated, stressed, and unable to think as clearly.

This is far beyond my push for a better me when things seemed more settled. Across a string of transitions I've managed to fall into a funky loop of making bad choices, which leads to feeling bad, which leads to bad choices, and so on. This is SO not what I'm about yet I fell right into the crutches of the very things I strived to stay away from. It's as if life tested me and I failed somewhere.

I have less tolerance for artificial people and every time I turn around I'm unsurprisingly disappointed in the behaviors of some surprising people in my life. I used to embrace the benefit of the doubt and learned the doubt in the benefit of even that. I've allowed all of it to pull me under and now I feel (at the risk of being melodramatic) as if I'm surrounded by a sludgey, selfish, what's-in-it-for-me, superficial, insecure, frenzy.

I see talented, hard-working people over-shadowed by others who's level of status is questionable. Pop culture proves to serve as a fast track for many trainwrecks who've been provided enough attention by the rubber necking flock of sheep in baa aaa aaad need to belong. (See what I did there?) Even if it means gripping the caboose (that'd be the ass end of a train) by the teeth. Look! I'm so irritated I'm speaking in metaphors! About sheep and trains, no less!

Yeah. That whole "benefit of the doubt" thing... I gave it a go with some of this craziness only to find so many people had little to offer... as people. Where is the value on character and personality? Why do we fail to put any weight on ethics and scruples? People love drama. I mean just adore the crap out of it. No, I take that back. If that were true, then logically there'd be no drama because drama actually is crap. It's so exhausting! But it's what sells, and after all,  it's only ever about the money, which equals status, which herd more sheep. 

Usually my blogs are more upbeat. Everybody reaches a precipice and you've just been exposed to a bit of my own.

It's time for some personal damage control.

Through the crazy struggles my faith has been challenged and somehow manages to rediscover itself. I recognize this blog would not even exist if I were in better spirits. Not that I was ever okay with any of all the selfish, superficial junk, but I was at least secure enough with myself to not let any of it affect me.

I know once I gain control of my routine I'll have more energy, be more alert, and think less about the social fodder and more about all the fantabulous blessings in my life. Whoops! I've just ventured staight into a paradox: by "having little or no regard for such interests, beliefs, or attitudes" by definition is self-centered.

♠

Just Fabulous Blog

Helloooooo, Shawna!

Click on image for bigger view!

I'm really not a person who has the desire to shop all the time. In fact, I rarely do. Maybe it's a combination of practicality and limited fundage. Whatever it is, I find it an inconvenience to go from store to store going through all the racks hoping to find that one thing I just have to have even though just before entering the store I had no idea what I was looking for. Obviously, I know exactly what I'm talking about. Of course I do. I've done it. And not every experience is one that ends in "Ughhh... let's go already." I'm just not a fan of shopping just to shop. I have to have a reason even if it's just an excuse to hang out with someone. So with the love of the fabulous convenience of the fabulous internet and myriad of fabulous online options, this fabulous (for the sake of consistency) self-proclaimed nerdy girl broke down and registered with JustFabulous.

I saw Shawna at some point and liked them right away. I've ventured into JustFab.com several times as curiosity (and again... convenience) got the best of me. I've had items in my cart and always ended up closing out without signing up. I learned as a new member with JustFabulous the first purchase is half the price. What?? For these boots?? Sweet! And they had me. I ordered and received her (I found the shoes on JustFab are referred to in third person) in a week or less. I'm not sure exactly when they arrived, just that I picked them up about a week later where my mail comes in.

They were just in time! I wanted them for my trip to NC with my family. I was so excited to open the box! Look, I said I didn't like shopping just to shop. I never said I hated shopping... or lost the joy in having new stuff! And for the record, I feel compelled to share that if I never had these boots I'd be just fine. I had the opp, I took it, I likey!

Moving on...!

So the name of the boot is Shawna. She looks exactly as she does online. She's a 4.5" heel but with a slight platform, it's not as high as I anticipated. Thank goodness! I'm usually not one to wear high heels, but lately I've been making different choices. I'm glad I did. It adds a bit of length to my legs and they're just... um... fabulous! I wore them for the first time tonight for dinner and I managed to get around without fail. I will have to get used to the height of the heel, but with the comfort in the first wear it shouldn't be difficult to break myself in. The inside bottom of the shoe isn't cushy, but they didn't constrict my feet either. I'm usually a size 6.5 or 7 (wide width), but this time I decided to order a size 8. Many of the reviews suggested ordering one size up. Good thing I read those reviews! They fit wonderfully. I like to wear boots with socks and it gave me ample room to wear them comfortably.

If you look at the images below, the very bottom shot is of the inside stitching. There is a gap between the stitched material. It's only in this one spot and only in the left boot. Just Fabulous will exchange them for a brand new pair at no cost (or they'll refund, with a small restocking fee). This isn't a problem for me so I'm keeping this pair.

It was a fabulous price on a fabulous boot. Shopping was simple and convenient, all the info was there, customer service on the phone was friendly (Hi, Courtney!), mailing was fast, and I will definitely continue to shop with Just Fabulous. Btw, you can choose to cancel at any time. Also! Shipping is always free!! (This is a big factor in my decision to finally join!) If you choose to join Just Fabulous, be sure to read reviews. They were verrrry helpful to me.

On a side note! Hubby's shirts are comfy and can be such a fun and adorable look from time to time! :)

♠♥u

These ARE the Droids you're looking for!

 

Motorola Droid X in current condition.

And still kickin' bum like a Jedi!

Do you see the screen? If you can't tell because the edges on the phone are black, you can see blackness creeping in around the sides, too. So much so that I can barely see what I'm reading unless I keep scrolling in all directions. This phone has been dropped, spilled on, stepped on, tossed (and lost), and still, all functions and features were unaffected. The straw that broke this camel's back (or in this case, gave the face its crack) was a drop from a distance at combat speed in my home! And even STILL! The only thing that happened was a hairline fracture I could barely notice! The blackness only slowly crept in over a couple of months and I had no issues with the phone otherwise. Not one. Nothing. Nada. Zilch, zero, zip!

The Droid X pretty much kicks ass and I don't need anything more than what it has provided... and then some. However comma! Timing has opened up a door to not only get one with a good screen, but also a significant discount for Black Friday! The practical part of me asks, "Why spend money on a new phone when you're happy with the current model?" The every other part of me asks, "Why the hell not...?" If the Droid X kicks this much bum and with the Black Friday discount I can upgrade my phone to the Motorola Droid Razr! With a Gorilla Glass face and Kevlar back, I am most certainly going to jump on that transaction! With the current condition of my phone (and obvious clumsy tendencies), I can stand to own one with reinforced everything!

INTERJECT: The Motorola Droid site freakin' rocks!!

After few conversations with hubby, friend, and self (Hi, Self! Oh, hey!) and reading up on two of Verizon's newer badazz phones I've opted not to wait for the Samsung Galaxy Nexus (though quite a pretty, pretty gadget!). Yes, it does offer the new Android OS 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich, but come 2012, it will also be available to Razr users. So... OS problem? BS. Besides, there is always going to be a bigger, better, badder, stronger, sexier, savvier (yes, savvier) phone. I'll go ahead and get the Razr now and wait for said phone to manifest in the future. Perhaps at some point it'll transform into a stellar Z07 Corvette! What...? It could happen!

Oh, and I have nothing against the Nexus. At all. And for the iPhone diehards, I have no real input for the iPhone 4S other than I like the look of the Droids better. I've never owned an iAnything and I've been perfectly happy so far.

Motorola Droid Razr Vs. Samsung Galaxy Nexus

Know this...! DROID is a trademark of Lucasfilm Ltd. and its related companies and used by Motorola with permission! So there it is. These are the Droids you're looking for!

DROOOIIID...!